Why was Oedipus against profanity?
Because he kisses his mother with that mouth.
I’m getting really tired of these motherfucking jokes.
u know someone is having a rough day when their favorite song plays and they don’t sing along
No one will understand how much this just broke my heart.
Some people have sex and that’s okay
Some people don’t have sex and that’s also okay
but what’s NOT okay is putting fucking ketchup in your god damn mac and cheese
nail polish on fingernails: 2 days
nail polish on toenails: 200 years. ur ghost will have glittery toes. ur descendants will come out of the womb w/ revlon 791 midnight affair perfectly applied. infinite
my friends do this cute thing where they ignore me until they need something, aw love them so much
All I have going for me is sarcasm, resting bitch face, huge thighs, and really good eyebrows.
*precisely determines where i should take the next bite of my sandwich*